revenge of nerds science foils

Revenge of the Nerds: Science Foils Conservatives Once Again

One of the most shocking moments of the 2008 presidential campaign I

have observed so far was during the first Republican debate when three

of the candidates raised their hands and said that they do not believe

in evolution. Wow. What back-woods out-house were you born in

Brownback? Tancredo? Actually don't answer that--I've heard enough

about Republicans, wide stances, and restrooms. Come on, you

Bible-bangers, even the Catholic Church has left open the opportunity

for evolution. Yes, the same Mother Church that believes the sun

danced around the earth, but locked up scientists for believing the

opposite, scientifically-proven fact.

Well, sorry conservatives, nerds have spoiled your fun yet again. One

of the more quiet battle cries of the Republican party is that their

conservative ideals (e.g., heterosexual marriage and even gun control)

are rightfully embedded in Anglo-American thought. Basically, their

ideals have been inherent in human operations since the beginning of

Western civilization and it is those wacky, liberal Democrats who are

breaking with the status quo and allowing society to turn into New

Sodom.

Well, not according to science. A new study found in Nature

Neuroscience has concluded that the way a conservative's brain

functions is discernibly different than the way a liberal's brain

functions. If you want to put the cart before the proverbial horse:

the way we are born, and the way we have our hardware wired determines

out political leanings--not our environment or upbringing. As the

study put it:

...our results are consistent with the view that political

orientation, in part, reflects individual differences in the

functioning of a general mechanism related to cognitive control and

self-regulation.

What these lab rats are trying to say is that their tests attempted to

see how a person reacts, in the brain, when their habitual response to

a certain situation is mismatched against a response that is actually

required by that situation. Wha? Hey, read the study yourself. There

is a reason I went into law and not science. They found that those who

claim to be liberal have brains that are more apt to adapt to these

conflicting scenarios. This would all, therefore, explain why liberals

are usually more prone to change.

Moreover, conservatives are less responsive when their brain faces a

conflict. Well, this would certainly explain alot. Could our faulty

policy in Iraq be because Bush's brain is slow to respond to conflicts

in his head? You'd think the cocaine he did would have helped speed up

reaction time in the old noggin.

I would like to point out the big caveat that the lab coats did as

well: this only partially explains of one's political ideology. For

example, most city-dwellers are Democrats. The explanation is mostly

due to their belief that rights associated with economic justice and

labor, rights relevant to living in a urban area, are important. These

rights are typically associated with Democratic and liberal thought.

It is hard to say, on the other hand, that everyone in Philly thinks

that way because those in the city limits have a certain brain

condition. There is more to this story: those of us who grew up in the

city align with liberal thought more because we grew up in an

environment that called for answers to problems associated with the

working man and the poor.

Although, on second though, a brain condition would explain why we

keep thinking the Phillies are going to make it to the post season.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth.