Edison's Folly: Better Mustaches Through Science
As best I can discover, this is the only know photographic evidence of
the amazing, yet dangerous effects of Thomas Edison's
Electromustacherizer that saw its first and only public demonstration
at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. These men started the day
clean-shaven and grew these fine mustaches in just a few minutes under
the influence of Edison's machine. But, just as the rays of the mighty
sun struck Icarus low, their mustaches were mere guttering flames that
fell out in clumps just three days later. In a saddening result,
Edison's folly rendered these men mustacheless for the rest of their
days.
In his despair, Edison spent the rest of his lonely days electrocuting
elephants and yelling at rotating wax cylinders. Unable to sleep for
more than an hour at a stretch due to his burning guilt for mutilating
these men, Edison died penniless and alone in a Rhode Island boarding
house not two years later.
at 3:02 PM
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6 insightful remarks by mustache lovers:
Halfang said...
Obviously, he deserved it.
On the meantime, I'll grow mine the traditional way.
January 22, 2008 4:38 PM
(lord) franko said...
horrific. i will also note that mr. edison never seemed to have
sported a moustache himself. a victim of his own discovery?
January 22, 2008 6:54 PM
mac said...
A tale of discovery and ultimate horror, more terrible than
that of Dr. Jekyll.
January 23, 2008 8:47 AM
Jonathan S. said...
It should be noted that the scientist, now sadly left to
history book footnotes, Erasmus Swinton Snodgrass was also
developing a similar mustache growing contraption during these
heady Edison days. After killing three hobos with the device in
Baltimore, however, he retreated to the wilds of Missoula,
Montana where he began anew on scientific facial hair growth,
coming up with the fluoroscopic face shelf growing machine. He
decided, to save the lives of the innocent, to try it on
himself first. It was successful, in that it grew a face shelf
immediately. But it grew to such staggering proportions that he
was left face crippled. No longer wanting to cause harm to
himself or others, he became a member of the clergy.
January 23, 2008 12:04 PM
collardandy said...
mmmmm...that is very true lord franko, Edison himself never did
sport a mustache, of any style at any time ???...what's up with
that ???...and your story on "technology" brings to mind the
Heidleberg "electric belts" of the latter 19th century;
electricity was thought to be a cure-all for many ailments,
particularly certain "male" deficiencies (and I don't mean lack
of mustaches!!!).
January 24, 2008 7:05 AM
J said...
collardandy,
I must respectfully disagree. Mustachelessness is a male
deficiency.
Your Loyal Servant,
J
January 24, 2008 9:24 AM
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